Having a purpose is stressful?
Yeah, I think so, especially when the so-called purpose is unhealthily woven into the fabric of your self-identity.
I know that’s almost heresy, but true.
I feel you’ve been sold a lie. By books, by your parents, by inspirational speakers, by the Masculine Establishment, and Oprah.
You see, one of the last coaching sessions I have with a client in the Freedom from Chronic Stress Coaching Program is to identify a core operating system that keeps her in a chronic stress cycle.
What is the REAL underlying reason she can’t say no, needs to make others happy at her own expense, or overextend herself?
For Dina it was, “If I don’t have a purpose, I’m not OK.”
Can you see how operating like that would keep her moving from one thing to the next, never satisfied?
Here’s what the ‘find your purpose’ frenzy sounds like:
Find your calling.
Fulfill your destiny.
The world needs the gift only you can offer.
Every life has a purpose.
Live to your highest potential!
Feels pretty grandiose and self-important to me.
Here is how these imprints influence your perspective of yourself:
- If I don’t know my life’s calling, I’m less than someone who does.
- If I don’t have a purpose, my life isn’t meaningful enough.
- If I’m not doing something that produces an outcome, I’m wasting my time.
Gheesh, what a downer.
And here is how operating from these perspectives influence your behavior:
If you feel less than other people who you perceive are ‘nailing it’ or ‘getting ahead,’ you seek to either
- work hard to receive accolades from other people so you don’t feel bad
- turn away with anger, jealousy, or defeat and disengage from life with a ‘whatever’ attitude
- use a lot of energy researching, seeking, scrounging, angsting to find or validate your purpose – surely, it must be somewhere – I just need to find it!
If you need to show productivity to feel you haven’t wasted your time you either
- keep really busy to feel like you’re worthwhile
- overextend yourself to the point of unhealthy sacrifice because if you don’t, you’re afraid you’ll get in trouble
And if you think your life isn’t meaningful enough because you haven’t made the best-seller list, had 2.3 children, cured cancer, received a promotion, or won an Oscar you may
- keep in a constant tizzy of moving from one thing to the next always trying to get somewhere…that elusive somewhere where you’ll know you’ve finally arrived…
But that day never comes or if it does, the feeling is short-lived so you move right along to the next thing.
Can you see how operating like this drives you into discontent and chronic stress?
Having a purpose is stressful. Or at least, the definition American society has imprinted upon the word purpose.
If you’re looking for space to breathe, peace, and meaning in life, I recommend you change what “having a purpose” means to you.
Set aside the ego’s need for recognition and accolades, and learn to practice connection with who and what is right in front of you as your purpose.
Be available for who and what matters most to you.
Operate from the innate goodness of your being instead of pursuing false redemption from relentless doing.
Honor the still, quiet voice of the heart instead of yielding authority to the dysfunctional cacophony of how you were raised.
Honor your voice, your truth, your love instead of being led astray by distraction.
Your purpose is not to live an inflated life on display, but to connect with others through the stillness of your heart.
If you did, having a purpose would not be stressful.
It would be peaceful.
Look Within,
