“When you go out into the woods, you see all these different trees. Some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever.
And you look at the tree and you allow it. You appreciate it. You see why it is the way it is.
You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way.
And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.
The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying, ‘You’re too this, or I’m too this.’
That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.” – Ram Das
Renee sat in front of me. This was our second coaching session in the Freedom from Chronic Stress Program™.
The topic is mindfulness, how to live in the present moment without the mind placing meaning on how good, bad, or better it could be.
She took a look at the 7 character traits of mindfulness, and narrowed it down to one to put in practice.
‘I choose non-judging. I’m constantly judging myself and judging my husband, or comparing my circumstances. Nothing is ever good enough. It’s such a waste of time. It’s not who I really am, and honestly, it’s exhausting.’
‘Renee, how much relief would you experience if you could be present with what is even 50% of the time?” I asked.
‘Oh, it would be huge! I would have more space to breathe, and I don’t think I’d react to the small stuff.’
So true.
Why do we judge in the first place?
Because we love it! Judging is one of our favorite pastimes.
We’re attached to it. We use judgment to prove we’re OK.
Here’s how it rolls:
I’m “at least as good” as that person or thank goodness, “I’m not that bad!”
Judgment justifies our anger, our political position, and allows us to displace the blame on others.
Judgment allows us to place ourselves in social hierarchies, and determines who ‘deserves’ resources, love, money, and forgiveness.
Judgment feeds the ego, constantly creating a sense of separateness between you and me. Constantly creating ‘you vs. me’ and ‘us vs. them.’
Judgment feeds fear and distrust, instead of compassion.
Without judgment, who would we be?
We would be the same, and the ego does not like that one bit.
Without judgment, we recognize our common humanity.
We appreciate our neighbor is doing her best. We appreciate ‘I am doing my best.’
Without judgment, we acknowledge we all suffer, we all get sick, we all go through financial hardship, we all experience betrayal, and we’re all doing what we can with the cards we’ve been dealt.
Without judgment, we realize everyone is trying to feel safe, to belong, and to be loved.
Without judgment, we would not have to be special.
We would not have to be better or the best.
We could just be.
In peace.
Without anything to protect, defend, or prove.
The practice of non-judgment begins with recognizing our common humanity.
The next time you find yourself judging, dare to soften the heart and recognize, ‘I am hurting too.’
Look Within,
Angela
