When a woman is interested in working with me in the Freedom from Chronic Stress Program, we have a conversation to see if working together is a mutual fit.
I ask her questions about how her external stressors (work, home responsibilities, relationships) and internal stressors (self-pressure, anxiety, perfectionism, not able to relax, or be fully present) affect her quality of life.
No one in that initial conversation has ever shared with me that her sex life is non-existent, strained, physically painful, or emotionally void.
For many, it is their first time talking with me one-on-one, and bringing sex up may be uncomfortable. #yikes! #Imcoolwithityo
But what I have found is that physical intimacy, or the lack thereof, is a secret problem of women living busy lifestyles.
Making the sweet love is an afterthought, no thought, dreaded thought, avoided thought, sad thought, or lets-get-this-over-with-because-I-have-stuff-to-do thought.
What a bummer.
Do you remember <dig through the cobwebs if necessary> the elation you felt when you WANTED to experience intimacy with your partner? It wasn’t a hassle, a chore, hurtful, a sad reminder of the good ‘ol days long gone,’ or the felt emptiness of a relationship gone dry.
When your sex life is fulfilling, you feel ah-mazing! So ah-mazing, you seek the experience again, and you create a positive feedback loop of giving and receiving love.
If romance and physical intimacy are rocking, the stressors of life don’t seem so bad (you can thank slow-releasing-love-hormone-oxytocin-for that).
But when there is no intimacy or strained intimacy, it contributes to the barren landscape that strips the juice and enjoyment out of life.
There are several reasons why physical intimacy is a problem with women with chronic stress.
Some are emotional.
Some are relational.
Some are psychological.
And some are physical.
I could put together an entire course around the first three, but will put them on hold for now, because I want to shed light on how chronic stress can steal from your sex hormones.
A broad, general overview. Pay attention.
As a female, your 2 primary sex hormones are estrogen and progesterone, primarily produced in your ovaries and adrenal glands.
Estrogen and progesterone help regulate cholesterol, bone density, body temperature, your MOOD, reproductive, and sexual function. Awesome.
Your 2 primary stress hormones are cortisol and adrenaline, primarily produced in the adrenal glands.
Cortisol and adrenaline are released during physical and emotional stress. Adrenaline prepares the body to respond to real or perceived threat (think fight-or-flight reflex). Cortisol buffers the effects of stress and helps keep your heart rate and blood sugar stable. Awesome.
With prolonged periods of stress, the body produces more cortisol to buffer the negative effects of chronic stress to keep your critical physiological functions intact.
But where does that extra cortisol come from?
IF the adrenal glands cannot keep up with the demand for STRESS hormones, the body will steal SEX hormones to make STRESS hormones.
Your body will tap into progesterone to make cortisol.
It is important to note this is a one-way street. The body will NOT take SEX hormones to produced STRESS hormones.
So bye-bye luxurious sex hormones that keep me supple, moist, interested, and available. 🙁
If the body did make sex hormones out of stress hormones (which it does NOT do), we’d all be hanging from the chandelier!
Your body is not against you. The body’s priority is to keep you alive first. Sexual and reproductive function is not necessary to keep you alive. It’s secondary, so the conversion of sex hormones to stress hormones is a function of self-preservation.
But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Living life in self-preservation all the time?
Exactly.
Your body craves nourishment (quality food, loving relationships, touch, sunshine, alone time, nature, connection, laughter, engagement in activities you enjoy) to bring restoration to a deprived state of living.
If intimacy is one of your secret problems, you are not alone and you are not crazy.
May this knowledge encourage you to take action to DO LESS of what doesn’t matter and DO MORE of what makes your heart sing – the ultimate gift of guilt-free self-care!
Stop Looking Outside and Look Within,
Angela
