During the month of January, I shared content about how to approach change in your life.
As a personal seeker of transformation, mindfulness, and embodiment and as a Freedom from Chronic Stress Coach, I’ve studied and found a way to approach change that is mindful, genuine, and non-rigid.
If you missed it, check out the two previous blogs here:
I’ve been walking you through the first step I walk my coaching clients through when initiating change.
Let’s expand even further on:
3 MISTAKES WHEN YOU TRY TO CHANGE
MISTAKE 1: You Create A Goal, Not A Practice
What you practice, strengthens.
What is it you want to change? And what is it you need to practice to strengthen what you desire?
For example, in the past few months I have experienced more compression in my emotional and personal life than usual.
As a result, I think I have put on 5-8 lbs. I don’t weigh myself anymore but can tell because my pants and skirts are snug.
I want to drop the extra pounds and be comfy in my pants again. bwaaaa! :)>
I could start counting calories and track my weight on a chart. For me, this is practicing punishment.
I could stop eating after 8 PM and make sure to only have soup for dinner. For me, this is practicing deprivation.
I could start exercising two more days per week. For me, this is practicing something that is not realistic.
All of the ‘I could’ statements are valid strategies to drop a few pounds but none of these are a practice.
So what have I decided to do?
I decided to practice honesty.
What caused me to put on the weight in the first place?
It wasn’t more food and less exercise. It was disconnection.
I haven’t been connected with my body or willing to acknowledge my feelings.
So if I practice connection instead of tactics to drop a few pounds, how does this translate to action?
I consciously take the time to connect and feel my body – through yoga, self-massage, conscious breathing, and literally making contact with myself. For me, this is a healthy way to connect with my body and make adjustments along the way.
I may or may not lose the few pounds right away, but the practice of body connection with a big dose of kindness in there addresses the root cause.
This is not a suggestion on how to lose weight. This is not the point and there are lots of other coaches out there to help with that.
I am sharing how to choose a practice.
Your practice is the underlying value, ethic, or feeling of how you initiate an action.
If you want to have a sustainable work schedule, practice kindness to self.
If you want to be more present in your relationships, practice non-judgment.
If you want to be less snippy with your kids, practice self-regulation.
If you want to be more productive, practice right action.
Find the underlying belief or value you’ve been practicing that has led to your undesired state. Then choose the opposite – something that lifts you up in a kind, even tempo’d way.
MISTAKE 2: You Focus On The Destination, Not The Journey
Author Danielle LaPorte says, ‘The journey has to feel the way you want the destination to feel.’
Oftentimes, we think that once we reach a certain goal, have a certain job, a certain schedule, or have a certain relationship, we will be happy.
We’ll finally feel good.
We’ll finally be ________.
And most times, if not all times, this falls flat.
Mindfulness teaches us to release hope of any outcome. Attaching meaning or identity to an outcome perpetuates suffering.
Do action for action’s sake.
Practice for practice sake.
Focus on the journey by living in the present moment. It is the only moment you are guaranteed to have.
MISTAKE 3: Your Vision Is Not Clear
Sustained change happens when you stand in the values that inspire your vision.
Sustained change happens when you can see, smell, taste, and feel the vision you want to embody.
Vision is about what you value most, not what you do not want.
Vision is not about material objects.
Vision is about WHY something is important to you.
Vision is about getting crystal clear on your core values and core desired feelings.
Who are you really? What is in alignment with your true self?
Your core values and core desired feelings steer your new practice.
Establishing your vision anchors what you want for yourself as a way to BE on a moment-to-moment basis.
Authentic vision uplifts your spirit and connects you with your core sense of being.
I guide my clients through a full mind-body-spirit assessment and then a Future Self Guided Visualization to connect with their vision.
What is one way you can explore and connect to your vision?
Which mistake do you find yourself making most often?
I want to hear from you. Leave a comment below on your learnings and set-backs as you navigate change. It’s a practice, not a destination!
