I recently attended a professional organization meeting in my hometown.
To open the session, the leader says, ‘How many of you are sticking to your New Year’s Resolutions?’
She chuckled and said, ‘I’m trying ladies…I’m really trying.’
My heart dropped and brain lit up. Unfortunately, she will probably keep trying. Forever.
Some of you make New Year’s Resolutions, some of you do not.
But regardless of whether you do or not, you have something in your life you want to change but can’t seem to make happen regardless of how hard you try.
I recently shared 3 reasons why goals do not work.
Today I am expanding on this topic to share something you never hear about.
In order to move forward, you have to reduce the drag that keeps pulling you back to the same undesired state.
WHY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS WON’T PULL UP
I am not a fan of goals, but I am a fan of action.
I am an even bigger fan of action that is initiated with:
- kindness toward self
- a flexible approach toward change
- awareness of WHY this is important to your relationships, well-being, and/or work
But even the most genuine action steps won’t produce lasting change unless you reduce the drag that pulls you back.
Look at the diagram I made below. This demonstrates how powerful it is when you reduce the drag.
Forward action is only one step of the change process. By reducing the drag, you make sustainable progress.
You take action but the drag pulls you back.
Sustainable progress is made only when the drag is reduced.
What is the drag?
It is two-fold.
1 – The drag are internal forces that pull you back despite your best effort and intention.
Fear, judgment, self-critical voices, a striving approach, unhealthy boundaries, doubt, lack of love toward emotions you don’t want to experience, belief systems, feelings of defeat, and frustration, etc. are all internal forces that drag you back.
2 – The drag is a lack of supportive conditions you need to change.
How does the environment, relationships, schedule, responsibilities, etc. need to change to support the change you desire?
Bummer.
What can be done?
The first step is to shed light on your drag.
What is kept in the dark cannot be seen. What cannot be seen cannot be acknowledged. What cannot be acknowledged cannot be transformed.
To shed light on your drag, complete this activity.
- Write down one thing you desire to change. Frame it in the positive. For example, ‘I want a sustainable work schedule’ NOT ‘I don’t want to be tired.
- Next, shed light on the drag. Explore these 4 questions to shed light on what may be pulling you back.
- What am I afraid of losing if I were to change? Explore relationships, finances, health, time, pride, etc.
- Who would be disappointed if I made this change?
- What support do I need that I deny myself?
- What feels unsafe stepping into this change?
The answers to these four questions give insight to what is pulling you back over and over again.
This is a starting place to illuminate the dark and reduce your drag so your actions can be in alignment with your values. In turn, you experience deep satisfaction from living a life of personal meaning.
To learn more about why you may not change even when you want to, click here to read This Is Your Brain On Change.
